The Easiest Way To Survive The Undead

Stumbling upon the remains of a desolate structure among the seclusive peaks of this Allegheny mountains (before unnamed) that I believe must have been a house in the distant past, and a grand one at that, I excavated this fascinating information booklet from the most peculiar of hiding places (and in indecent but perfect storage too) in what, from all disguised appearances, I perceive to be the backyard (but now a wilderness of weed). It contains a curious discovery (of sorts) concerning the legendary undead holocaust passed down to us in chronicled forms by our ancestors. Since it is my discovery, and it contains such vital information, why not make as much money as I can from it. Even the data was painfully corrupted in many places and I have taken those pains to repair it without modifying its contents and digimmortalizing it so anyone can own a copy. You'll thank me later.