Frank Midgette's Case Files: "The Dead Pan"

Frank took a long slow drag on a cigarette, ‘I’ve only got two pieces of advice for people who wanna read this case file. First of all if you’re easily offended or of a nervous disposition, keep your money, spend it on … damn what does two bucks buy you today, a box of matches?’
He choked on cigarette smoke, steadying himself with a shot of bourbon, ‘Ahhh, but if you decide to read it whatever you do don’t read it sitting on the pan.’