Alistair Thwait Has a Killer Mom

So this is awkward. My mom’s a serial killer. No really, I just caught her on camera while I was spying on my neighbors from the woods... That’s less creepy than it sounds, I promise. What, you’ve never been a peeping-Tom from time to time? I can feel the shade you’re throwing. It’s not appreciated. But seriously, dude, I’m freaking out here! Do I turn her in? She’s my mom! I came out of this woman’s vagina! It’s not that simple. I think I’ll just follow her for a while. Capture these kills on film – for evidence. See what she’s up to. I’ll probably regret this. Wanna come along? I’ll introduce you to my friend Murray. Maybe between the two of you, you guys can convince me to ask Madison Hewitt out. Not that it’ll matter. My mom’s probably going to kill us all anyway. FML.